'X' MARKS THE THOUGHT...

Venereal Vexations Vanquished.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Don't Step in the Stalker

Dear Wench Whisperer
I am in a band. There are always a dozen or so women (groupies) hanging around backstage after our gigs. We all partake of these women but for some reason I always end up being stalked by the groupies I shag. This doesn't happen to the other guys in the band. What am I doing wrong? I'm always friendly to our fans, and hence treat the groupies respectfully too, yet for some reason they just won't go away when the sex is over. I'm really tired of being stalked by women whom I can't even remember their names. Please help!  -Stalker Magnet

Magnet,

a fan will be satisfied by an autograph on paper or her breast, but, to a groupie, sex is like an autograph. She wants to brag about it to her friends and put another notch in her stilettos, hang another scalp from her garter. She doesn't want true romance. When you treat a groupie with too much respect it only confuses her and causes her to entertain unrealistic fantasies of coupledom. Don't do it. 
   Apparently the other guys in your band have figured this out already, which is why they don't have this problem. Remember: Shagging a groupie is essentially the same as signing an autograph; one should never use his best penmanship. 
   You've been whispered...